Splinters in Her Crotch

A joke received from a friend via email. 


Splinters in Her Crotch

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA.

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her,

"Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down!"

Things I Learned in the South

I received the following in an email from a friend...

Things I Learned in the South

  

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

 

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

 

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

 

Jawl-P? means Did y'all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow and eat okra.

 

Fixinto is one word. It means I'm fixing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

 

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

 

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

 

The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?

 

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

 

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

 

Ya'll is singular, all ya'll is plural.

 

You measure distance in minutes.

 

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

 

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

 

You know what a DAWG is.

 

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

 

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.

 

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

 

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

 

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.

 

You know what a hissy fit is.

 

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin' or off to Wally World.

 

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

 

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

 

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

 

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

Today's message from perpetual calendar... 

"I've reached the age where it's harder to think of my body as a temple. (It's more like a building project that got out of control!)

Rumination

Rumination

ru·mi·nate

[roo-muh-neyt]

verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing.

–verb (used without object)

1.

to chew the cud, as a ruminant.

2.

to meditate or muse; ponder.

–verb (used with object)

3.

to chew again or over and over.

4.

to meditate on; ponder.

Origin: 
1525–35;  < Latin rūminātus  (past participle of rūminārī, rūmināre to ruminate), equivalent to rūmin-  (stem of rūmen rumen) + -ātus-ate¹

—Related forms

ru·mi·nat·ing·ly, adverb

ru·mi·na·tion, noun

ru·mi·na·tive, adjective

ru·mi·na·tive·ly, adverb

ru·mi·na·tor, noun

EXPAND

—Synonyms 
2.  think, reflect. 

Related Words for : rumination

contemplation, musing, reflection,reflexion, thoughtfulness

World English Dictionary

ruminate  (ˈruːmɪˌneɪt)
— vb  (when intr , often foll by  upon, on, etc )
1.	(of ruminants) to chew (the cud)
2.	to meditate or ponder (upon)
[C16: from Latin rūmināre  to chew the cud, from rumen ]
rumi'nation
— n
'ruminative
— adj
'ruminatively
— adv
'ruminator
— n

Word Origin & History

ruminate 

1533, "to turn over in the mind," also "to chew cud" (1547), from L.ruminatus,  pp. of ruminare  "to chew the cud, turn over in themind," from rumen  (gen. ruminis ) "gullet," of uncertain origin.

Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rumination